What will revisiting your love story actually do for you and your marriage? I can tell you from experience that there are immediate and lasting benefits.
These are benefits I’ve seen in other couples as I’ve led thousands of them through this process.
There’s plenty of proof that your love story is worth sharing. That’s the theme of this series of posts. How can I be sure? Because I have a hunch your story contains some of the same elements as the epic, iconic love stories.
In my last post, I wrote about the first element of any great love story…the meet cute (Click here to read). Today’s post is about another critical element you and your spouse will relate to:
Are you the type of person who enjoys a good love story? If you are, then you probably have a few favorites, and they might even be depicted in the image below. Let me ask you another question.
Have you and your spouse ever talked through your personal love story together? Well, I’m convinced that your story can become your favorite story…if it isn’t already. Why? Because your love story is real.
Type in “why I hate Valentine’s Day” into any search engine and you’ll get plenty of reasons why people simply aren’t fans of February 14th.
Not surprisingly, single people hate it because it reminds them of their singleness. Many couples hate it because it feels contrived, costs money, and lines the pockets of greeting card, jewelry, and chocolate company executives.
Regardless, there is one good reason not to hate it. Think about it this way:
Is your wife thriving in her own unique calling, talents, gifting, and mission? Do you know what she’s most passionate about, the area of ministry she’s primarily interested in, and how God wired her to make a unique mark in the world?
And most importantly, is she making progress in these areas? Well, lately I’ve been sensing the need to help Debbie answer these questions in her life (not that I have all the answers for my own life, mind you). Why?
In his book, Winning Your Wife Back Before It’s Too Late, Gary Smalley references a study in which thousands (21,501) of married couples were analyzed to determine the primary stumbling blocks within their marriages.
Not surprisingly, problems sharing leadership equally topped the list. An astounding 93% of the participants marked this issue as the most challenging. What about you?
If you’re unhappily married, studies show you’re not noticing half of the positive things your spouse is doing.
That statement is based on research, not opinion.
In Dr. John Gottman’s book, The 7 Principles that Make Marriage Work, he mentions research that was done among couples that are unhappily married.
Hey, welcome back! Here’s 20 Lessons Learned After 20 Years of Marriage (Part 3). I’m picking up the pace with this one and covering #8 through #14. Keep in mind, these are not in order of importance. I’m simply writing them down as they come to mind.
8. Genuine apologies are gold. There’s been many occasions when we were stuck in a rut…arguing about something and getting nowhere, when one of us decided to push past our own emotions and say,
Last week Debbie and I were able to get away for a couple of days and have our very first Marriage Vision Retreat. Just the two of us. Yeah, I know. I didn’t know what it was either, until recently. And to be honest, I was a little skeptical, …and here’s why.
I know more about visionary leadership than the average bear. I’ve been to conferences about vision, heard great leaders teach about vision, taken classes about vision, and read books about vision. Believe me, I’ve got knowledge and experience on the subject. So much so that I’ve grown a little tired of the word.
This much I know: when an organization goes through the process of creating vision, they’re establishing where they’re going, and what their preferred future looks like. It’s artistry in the sense of painting a picture.
I’m not exaggerating when I say Debbie and I have found the secret to resolving our conflicts together…every time. I’m not kidding. It works every time. It’s not complicated, complex, or difficult to comprehend. After 19 years of marriage, we’ve realized there has been one simple, common denominator in every conflict resolution of ours.
But before I get to that, have you ever noticed how conflict rears it’s ugly head at the worst possible moments…like in a restaurant? You’re supposed to be enjoying a nice evening together and somehow you get derailed by a comment (or issue) that you both get miffed about. Instead of enjoying each others company over a nice meal, you end up silently staring into your food until the check comes…which can’t come soon enough.