One Good Reason Not to Hate Valentine’s Day

Type in “why I hate Valentine’s Day” into any search engine and you’ll get plenty of reasons why people simply aren’t fans of February 14th.


Not surprisingly, single people hate it because it reminds them of their singleness.  Many couples hate it because it feels contrived, costs money, and lines the pockets of greeting card, jewelry, and chocolate company executives.

Regardless, there is one good reason not to hate it.  Think about it this way:

What does Valentine’s Day make us do for our spouse?  Buy a card, flowers, a gift, dinner?  Well, that’s not exactly what I’m getting at.  Think a little harder.  What does Valentine’s Day make us do?

It makes us be nice to each other.

Regardless of any current issues in our marriage, this particular holiday makes it virtually impossible to avoid expressing niceness…in whatever form you choose.

My sister and I had our fair share of arguments when we were kids, which occasionally led to our parents getting involved and ordering us to “be nice” to each other.  It was good advice for us, even when we were little kids.  Think about that.  Even as children, we were capable of expressing kindness.

The Bible says it this way:

“Be kind to one another”  -Ephesians 4:32

It’s a simple, straight-forward directive that is intended for everyone because everyone (if we’re honest) can do it.  No need to analyze personality differences or communication styles.  No need to read the latest marriage book or make an appointment with a counselor.  Just……be kind.

Here’s a good question?  How is your spouse kind to you on a regular basis?  Here’s my incomplete list of ways Debbie is nice to me everyday.

  • she packs my lunch during the week
  • she always speaks well of me in front of others
  • she insists I use the “better” pillows on our bed
  • she brings me coffee in the morning
  • whenever there’s one Dove Bar left (our favorite) she insists I have it

Give it a try.  Make a list of all the ways your spouse is kind to you.  You might be surprised when you actually take a minute to think about it, and don’t be surprised if it begins to change a few things.

Here’s what I’ve noticed happens in me when I choose to be nice to Debbie, even when I don’t feel like it.

1. It changes how I feel.  Even if I don’t feel like it, when I choose to be kind, it changes the way I feel about myself and her.

2. It builds my character.  Doing the right thing regardless of how I feel is a sign of maturity, emotional intelligence, and personal growth.

3. It transforms the tone of our marriage.  Every marriage has a certain tone.  Choosing to be nice, even if your spouse isn’t on board, can slowly change the tone from negative to positive; because you and God are the majority in your marriage.

It goes without saying, then, that the healthiest marriages are characterized by kindness.  Two people who are respectful and considerate of each other.

So then, Valentine’s Day is a reminder of what we should be doing every day.  No, not spending money on chocolates, bears, and flowers.  But instead, simply finding little ways to be kind.

So there it is: one good reason not to hate Valentine’s Day.  But let’s not meet our kindness quota for Valentine’s Day only, and then go back to being unplugged from our spouses needs and desires.  Let’s build it into our everyday relationship.

In what little ways is your spouse kind to you?  And in what little ways will you be kind to them?  Share it with us in the comments section below.


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    Stephen has been blogging since 2014, and he enjoys writing honestly and openly about married life. He and Debbie are high school sweethearts and have been married for 20 years. They love a meaningful conversation, a rich cup of coffee, an inspiring movie, a perfectly prepared meal, and planning their next vacation.

    Please note: I reserve the right to delete comments that are offensive or off-topic.

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