Rekindling Desire for Your Spouse

Remember the days when you couldn’t stand to be away from each other?  Your desire and passion to be together was overwhelming…even painful at times.

Rekindling Desire for Your Spouse

I remember those days.  Debbie and I had a long distance relationship when we were in college, so we had to write letters to each other.  (Yes, actual pen to paper, snail mail letters!)  We wrote at least 4-5 letters every week to each other for 4 years.  We were committed to fighting the forces (either real or imagined) that were pulling us apart.

The highlight of my week was calling her on one of the campus pay phones.  I can remember pumping quarters into the phone just to talk to her for 15 minutes.  Of course, this was before the days of computers and smart phones.

Here’s what I remember about those years…

Our desire for each other was unmistakable.

Well, that was our college years, but what about now?  We’re in our mid-40’s.  We’ve been married for 21 years.  We’re not kids anymore.  Is desire something we should concern ourselves with?

That brings me to a little verse in the Bible (Song of Solomon 7:10) that says this:

I am my beloved’s, and his desire is towards me.

Those are the words of a woman who knows, without any doubt, that the man she loves desires her.  The word desire in this verse simply means, a longing.

Here are a few other translations of that same verse:

All his affection has me for its object.

I to my beloved, and his turning is towards me.

I am my beloved’s, and with me he has his contentment.

Wow.  Would Debbie say that about me?  Does she have the confidence that my desire is towards her?…That she’s the object of my affection?…That when given a choice, I turn towards her?…That I’m fully content with her?

I can sit here and say that’s all true, but would SHE say that it’s true?  (I think we have an important discussion coming up).

If you’re like me, your desire can be given towards lots of things – even good things.  But where is prioritizing our spouse in it all?

What I’ve observed in my own marriage and in other couples is this:

Passion starts to run low as we take each other for granted.  And the way we take each other for granted is by desiring other things before our spouse…even good things.

That’s the interesting thing about marriage.  It was never intended to be low on the list of our priorities and choices.

Passion starts to run low when we take each other for granted. Click To Tweet

So, let’s consider these thoughts about desire in marriage…

It must be fiercely protected.  This is why Jesus said if a man looks at another woman lustfully he’s already committed adultery in his heart.  In other words, be careful with what you allow your heart to desire, because that’s where the battle is won or lost.

Jesus is saying that your passion should be directed towards your spouse only, which is the high calling of marriage.  It demands full and complete desire for each other.

We take each other for granted when we desire other things before our spouse...even good things. Click To Tweet

It will prevent you from becoming roommates.  Or worse yet, living singles.  Seriously…if you wanted a co-manager of your life and all it’s details, you could live with a friend, right?  Or hire a personal assistant.  But you were hoping for more than that on your wedding day, weren’t you?  Yep, desire matters.

It can be restored.  If your desire for your spouse is at an all time low, and you’ve even been entertaining thoughts about another person, then it’s time for heart surgery.

Consider God’s words in Ezekiel 36:26,

I will give you a new heart and put a new spirit in you; I will remove from you your heart of stone and give you a heart of flesh.

When your heart becomes hardened towards your spouse, remember that God is able to perform a heart transplant.   He can do that.  He really can.

If that’s where you are, I realize the answers are more involved than simply making Ezekiel 36:26 your prayer.  But it’s a great place to start.

When your heart becomes hardened towards your spouse, God can perform a heart transplant. Click To Tweet

    Stephen has been blogging since 2014, and he enjoys writing honestly and openly about married life. He and Debbie are high school sweethearts and have been married for 20 years. They love a meaningful conversation, a rich cup of coffee, an inspiring movie, a perfectly prepared meal, and planning their next vacation.

    Please note: I reserve the right to delete comments that are offensive or off-topic.

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