A Real Apology
Let’s talk about a real apology. Have you ever noticed that simply saying “I’m sorry” doesn’t make everything better?
If you’ve ever apologized to your spouse for something you said or did, and it didn’t have the affect you hoped for, then you know what I’m talking about. Here’s the good news.
A real apology can tear down the wall between you–the wall that was built by a careless statement, a careless action, and the crummy feelings that inevitably follow.
Here’s what a real apology sounds like:
I’m sorry for what I said/did. Go first. Take the initiative. Break past your own feelings of hurt and frustration even when you don’t feel like it–especially when you don’t feel like it.
I have nobody to blame but myself. Own it. Take total and complete responsibility. Even if you think your spouse needs to apologize as well, DO NOT volunteer them. Let them come to their own apology, in their own time.
I can understand why you would feel this way. This one is HUGE! Try to recognize and affirm your spouse’s feelings. I can understand how I made you feel unappreciated. I’m so sorry. When your spouse senses that you understand how they feel, it goes a long way towards tearing down the ugly wall.
I will never do/say that again. An apology means the most when it results in a genuine commitment to change. Statements like, I’m only human, so I can’t promise you that this will never happen again, only taints an apology.
Why is this so important? Because moments of conflict are like little forks in the road. The road of unresolved conflict creates distance in a marriage; but the road of resolved conflict brings a level of closeness that’s even deeper than before the conflict arose.
Let’s go do it!