Two Thoughts About Real Intimacy

I have an interesting question for you.  What’s at the heart of a satisfying, meaningful, and exciting sexual relationship with your spouse?

I wanted to share a couple of great quotes that will answer that question, and (I hope) stir your heart towards greater things.

In Mike Mason’s book, The Mystery of Marriage, he has as a way of digging deep into the heart and soul of marriage issues; in such a way that I feel transformed, not just informed.  His words about married sex do not disappoint.

Here’s the first one:

“For sex is one of those mysteries that, like prayer, will not yield to technique, and any approach with a view to technical mastery will be doomed from the start. What the sex life really demands is the loving gift of the self, the sincere devotion of the whole heart. Where this is present, problems such as impotence, premature ejaculation, or inability to achieve orgasm will fade into insignificance and in time may well disappear. Only love can really cope with (let alone heal) such things, but without love the greatest prowess and technical success in lovemaking will procure about as much true satisfaction as there is in a mouthful of sawdust.”

In other words, true intimacy is more internal than external.  External issues and techniques have there place, but the heart of the matter is a matter of the heart.

A fulfilling sexual relationship demands the whole heart.  It demands all of you.  Your whole self.  Your full, complete, and focused attention and devotion.  Anything less simply misses the mark and will result in disappointment.

Here’s another one:

“In short, where there are sexual problems in a marriage, the answer is not usually to be found in the pages of a handbook or in the office of a sex therapist (although such counsel has its place), but rather in patience and purity of love, and in a sincere turning toward God. If a couple were to seek the Lord with their whole will, rejoice in Christian fellowship, and spend time both alone and together in heartfelt prayer and study of the Scriptures, they would soon find their love life filled with a rich glow and a mysterious new energy that cannot be discovered through any worldly means. For as the Lord is the author of sex, so He is its interpreter, and His therapy is most to be treasured.”

In other words, its a good to idea to seek God and invite Him into this area of your marriage.  As Mason says, He’s the author and interpreter of sex…and its therapist.

I’m convinced that the God-given gift of sex is one of the most importance aspects of marriages today.  A huge lie in the media is that marriage is the death of great sex.  Not so.  God gave it as a gift to be enjoyed for a lifetime if we’ll give it the attention it demands.

This, of course, means it must be a priority…not an after-thought.  It can’t be a fringe issue.